Rap Romance: Volume 2

Rap Romance: Volume 2

In Rap Romance: Volume 1 we explored some of the Shakespeares of our time including Big Sean, Trillville, Petey Pablo, and the Ying Yang Twins. Rap Romance: Volume 2 showcases the return of some of our favorites, along with a slew of newcomers. 

 

1) David Banner, “Play”

I have no idea where to start. If you have an aversion to extremely graphic lyrics, maybe skip this one. I mean it. Seriously Mom, don’t read this. You don’t need to know the extent of the filth that I’ve listened to. The Whisper Song doesn’t even come close to matching this song.  And that song had an edited version for its edited version. Let’s run through this affront to human decency.

Cum girl, I’m tryna get your pussy wet
Just, not even going to ease us into this.

Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Cum girl, I’m tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
5 times. 5 times David Banner needed to tell you to masturbate.

Work that clit
Just a forewarning, David Banner is going to give us all a thorough anatomy lesson by the time he’s done.

Cum girl

Finger fuck your pussy like you want some, girl
I’m 27 and I feel like someone should be putting their hands over my ears for this song.

Work it like a nigga straight licking on your pearl

I wanna see you cum in the middle of the dance floor
…  …

A nigga can’t fuck, what you think your finger made for
… … …

I’ma beat that pussy up
You get it wet enough, I might lick it up
Does David Banner have a mother?

Lickey, lickey, lickey, like a peppermint swirl
Lick that clit
Cum girl
Uh, I wanna see your legs shake
Take you to the crib, we can fuck til the bed break
Uh, fuck you til your pussy ache
A lot of times you’ll hear euphemisms or metaphors in rap songs alluding to sex. David Banner is not at all about that.

Think about the type right now, girl, mastur
Hmm, where are you going with this?

(Uh uh) bate for a nigga, freak you in the clubs
Ah, yes. Of course. 

Stop worrying about them other hoes
It’s me in your world
Work that clit
Cum girl

Cum girl, I’m tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Cum girl, I’m tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Work that clit
Cum girl

Cum on your finger girl, lick it all off
Is there a rating above NC-17?

Catch it in your mouth, like your last name Moss
I don’t recall Randy Moss ever catching a football in his mouth. 

Play with the nitty girl, stick it on in
I looked at Urban Dictionary, and this sentence makes no sense no matter what definition you use.

I’m feeling real freaky girl, bring your friends
I can make ’em bounce like 1, 2, 3
It ain’t nothin’ to a pimp, girl, play with the g-spot
Make it hot, gon on, get your girl, Sheryl
Bring your clique
Cum girl
And I’ma make ’em all cum
This is somehow the second most romantic lyric in the entire song.

Beat it like Mr. Collipark on the drum
I’ma beat it like Mike when he fucked Billie Jean
Excuse me Mr. Banner, that’s actually a common misconception. Oh wait, nevermind. That song’s totally about the Jackson 5 fucking a whole ton of girls.

Work it, work it, work it, til you make that pussy cream
I feel like you’ve already said this 5 different ways. This one might be the most…off-putting.

Move it to the right, move your finger to the left
Work it all around til your ass outta breath
I hardly see how masturbating is going to make you out of breath. People need to be in better shape.

I ain’t tripping on ya baby, put some dick in your world
This whole song is about making girls masturbate, the end of the second verse is not the time to get greedy.

Work that clit
Cum girl

Cum girl, I’m tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Cum girl, I’m tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Work that clit
Cum girl

Bend it on over, lemme see it from the back
Work your thumb in it girl, I love it like that
This has been 3 verses of every single way David Banner wants to see you masturbate. He has not left a single detail out.

Freaky ass hoes, love freaky ass men
Lemme work ya slow, lemme see it going in
Then you pull it out, put your fingers in your mouth
If David Banner performs this song on stage, he should probably be arrested.

You make a nigga wanna fuck your ass on the couch 
While we’re still in the club, show your pussy love
Most romantic line.

Work that clit
Cum girl
Go on and hit the dance floor
This is literally one of only 3 lines that doesn’t involve an expletive or intensely graphic sex act. Seriously. I highlighted all of them in red. If you put all three together, it actually makes a nice little story. “It’s me in your world. Bring your clique. Go on and hit the dance floor.”

Open up wide, lemme show you what’s it made for
Gross.

Uh, like a finger, like a donkey
What?

Lemme see you play, play with your monkey
What?

Damn, cause your ass so chunky
Bring it here, sweaty, cause I love it when it’s funky
I just, what happened to falling in love?

I’ma put some dick in your world
Alright, fine. You win.

Work that clit
Cum girl

Cum girl, I’m tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Cum girl, I’m tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Work that clit
Cum girl

Work that clit
Cum girl

I think I’m going to go listen to only Disney songs for the rest of my life now. 

2) Memphis Bleek Feat Jay-Z, Missy Elliot, Twista, “Is That Your Chick”

Let’s start with Jay-Z.

Jay-Z 

I never kiss her, I never hold her hand (At :30)

This man married Beyonce.

Memphis Bleek 

Damn Bleek, can’t speak
Uh-huh, okay, what’s up, SHUT UP
And close the door
Act like you been in the drop top
On the open road before
Fix your weave, then fix me
Ever gave head doing 160? (1:06)

Flowers, chocolates, a nice card. These are the things I used to believe in.

Back to Jay-Z 

She keep beggin’ me to hit it raw
So she can have my kids and say it was yours
How foul is she? And you wifed her
Shit, I put the rubber on tighter (2:31)

YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER

3) Tyga, “Rack City”

 

Young money, young money, yeah we gettin’ rich. Got yo grandma on my dick. (:30)

That is the worst brag I have ever heard. “Hey man, I fucked your grandma!” “Dude, gross. What is wrong with you?” And listen to how proud he sounds. He even does the fake rapper laugh.

Still, this is probably the greatest song of the 21st century. I did the math. 37% of the lyrics are rack, city, or bitch. I also just learned that Tyga made and starred in a porno of this song called Rack City XXX, which I am never watching because I don’t want to watch Tyga fuck a bunch of grandmas.

4) Rich Boy, “Throw Some D’s”

 

Every freak should have a picture of my dick on they wall. (2:15)

After the last few, this sounds reasonable.

5) Ying Yang Twins feat Mike Jones, “Badd”

 

I’ve seen her walk by me, damn near passed out
then crept up behind her, tell her it was time to
Let a playa like me get in that vagina. (1:17)

That. Is. The. Best. Pick-Up Line. I have ever seen. First, he doesn’t approach her from the front for a formal introduction. No handshake. No names. No “Oh cool, I have a friend from there. Have you ever been to…?” He just pops up behind her like “BOO! Now lemme get some of that vagina.”

I hope to God Mike Jones has tried this exact line. Actually, no, no I don’t. No girl should have to actually respond to that. Every time I hear this song, I’m just so disarmed that he actually says, “let a player like me get in that vagina”. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard the word “vagina” in a rap song. It somehow sounds so much dirtier that way. But, I miss Mike Jones. I also still know his number by heart, 281-330-8004, so girls, if you’re sufficiently turned on, you can hit Mike Jones up on the low.

Honorable mention in this song goes to the Ying Yang Twins with:

I love the way she dance, she look like she fuckin’ herself (2:03)

So, so elegant. I miss the Ying Yang Twins so much. This lyric almost seems quaint compared to David Banner.

6) Jamie Foxx feat T-Pain, “Blame It”

 

Feeling on yo butt what? (1:31)

What’s not to like about this lyric? It rhymes. It sounds like a 12 year old wrote it. And Jamie Foxx seems very confused immediately after he sings “butt”.

Got my seats all wet in my ride (3:34)

She probably has a bladder problem and you should use disinfectant. 

7) G-Unit, “Poppin Them Thangs”

 

Hell yeah I fuck fans. Guess what? Your favorite rapper does too. (1:40)

Remember G-Unit? Well I do. Lloyd Banks brings us this beautifully straight forward lyric. There is nothing to add to this. Just sheer, blunt honesty.

Also, 50 Cent with

After the VMAs my baby momma cuss my ass out.
I kicked her ass we back friends like Puffy and Steve Stout (:22)

Um, what?

8) Yung Joc, “I Know You See It”

 

She chewin’ on the dick like a piece of Bubble Yum. (1:10, also 4 other times)

Who thought this lyric was a good idea? Literally everything is wrong with this lyric. What is wrong with you people? That does not sound enjoyable at all. I am now no longer a fan of blowjobs or Bubble Yum. You’ve ruined everything.

9) Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer, “Give Me Everything”

 

Grab somebody sexy, tell ‘em: Hey! (:42)

Hey, that’s actually kind of nice and appropriate. Let’s end here.