Tim's Kitchen Creations: RumChata Toast Crunch

Tim’s Kitchen Creations: RumChata Toast Crunch

Previously on: Sriracha Ramen, Beer Mac

If you’ve never had it, RumChata is a liquor that tastes exactly like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I don’t know that I really need to connect the dots here. I have an alcohol that tastes like Cinnamon Toast Crunch and I have Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Cinnamon Toast Crunch usually goes with milk. RumChata is a liquid. Okay great, we’re on the same page. One clarification: because drinking by yourself in the morning is called alcoholism, and drinking by yourself at night is called being an adult, I’m having this for dinner.

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Those sentient Cinnamon Toast pieces look way too excited to meet their grisly deaths.

The Recipe

Ingredients

1 box Cinnamon Toast Crunch
1/4 cup RumChata. You can do more if you like, but that’s your choice to live with the rest of your life.

Directions

Step 1: Go to grocery store. Put RumChata and Cinnamon Toast Crunch in cart.

Step 2: Impress cashier with your nutritional and life choices. RumChata is not cheap. That’s how they’ll know you’re the kind of person with a bank account and upward mobility. Good work.

Step 3: Get home. Pour the Cinnamon Toast Crunch into a bowl. Savor this moment.

Step 4: Measure out 1/4 cup of RumChata. This equates to about 4 shots, but it’s only 13% ABV, so feel less bad that this is only like 1 real shot.

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If we only judged a book by a cover, this would be the best book.

Step 5: Do it. Pour it in. Life is about risks, learning from failure, and growing into a beautiful, knowledgeable butterfly. 

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Hey, looks pretty good!

The Result

The good thing is that I’m eating dinner while I drink, so that makes it a lot safer to consume a bunch of alcohol. It looks like a delicious bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, it smells like a delicious bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and it tastes like absolute garbage. Fuck. I thought there’d at least be some potential to this. Even though it seems like it, the goal of this exercise isn’t to make the most disgusting thing I can. The goal is to take combinations that make some sort of half-sense, see if they really do, be pleasantly surprised when they do, and then share the ensuing happiness with the world. Yet here I am, contributing more sadness. I’m so sorry.

This is terrible. I keep expecting delicious, refreshing milk with every bite, and then it’s alcohol instead. I thought the relatively low ABV would make this palatable, possibly even good. Like one of those State Fair foods that combines donuts and cheeseburgers and ends up pretty tasty, despite how much you wanna scream to social media that it was super gross. But nope, you taste ALL of that alcohol in every bite. You’re basically chewing through a shot. Drinking the leftover RumChata was the best part of this entire thing because at least that was just a nice RumChata shot, flavored with some delicious Cinnamon Toast Crunch leftovers. Which is what I was hoping for from the beginning. So maybe this was a success in the end?

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For those who say the leftover milk is the best part, here’s your proof. For the alcoholics who say the alcohol is the best part, here’s your proof.

No, it wasn’t. Listen, I’m no chef, and maybe I got cocky when Beer Mac ended up delicious—even better than normal Easy Mac—but I’m on a losing streak. Sriracha Ramen was terrible, and so is this. However, on the bright side, I do have a mostly full bottle of RumChata left over. 

RumChata Toast Crunch: 1.5 Stars (mostly awarded for enjoyment of remaining RumChata)